Schlongs4Seals

…because "Boobs for Seals" would just be silly, amiright ladies?

 


 

We’re not sure who wears the pants in Jack Singer’s family, but we certainly know who wears the underpants.

Last Sunday, the Warwick, N.Y. boy spent his 10th birthday attempting to set a new Guinness World Record for wearing the most pairs of underwear, KABC reports. It took 18 minutes for his parents to slip on a record 215 pairs, though Singer had to lie down after the 195th pair because his feet were asleep. The previous record was 200 pairs, KARE11.com reports.

“I feel the most excited in my life,” he tells the Times-Herald Record.

Instead of gifts, Singer asked for donations to help Marine Sgt. Eddie Ryan, who was injured in Iraq five years ago. (link)

Consider this a call to arms! (Errr, legs? Buttocks? Wev.) We must harness Singer’s awesome underwear-layering technology and use to raise awareness for Canadian seals the world over! The seals are in desperate need of our help – and I cannot, for the life of me, envision a more effective and poetic lifeline than 215 pairs of tighty whities, squeezed onto one asphyxiating human body. Except, um, 216 pairs of tighty whities, similarly squeezed onto one asphyxiating human body.

But I digress! Today, I call on seal lovers everywhere to gather up as many pairs of underwears as you can find! Deplete the bargain bins at Wal-Mart; go dumpster diving at the nearest Salvation Army; spread your request on every local Craigslist and Freecycle you can stand to join! Heck, panty-raid the closets at your male acquaintances’ fraternity houses – whatever you need to get this shit done! For every pair short of our goal, a seal will needlessly and cruelly meet his end at the end of a bayonet.

If not us, who? If not now, when?


 
Video link and details:

The Daily Show, Tuesday June 15, 2010
Moment of Zen – 10-Year-Old Boy Breaks Underwear Record
A 10-year-old boy who broke the world record for wearing 215 pairs of underwear asks people to donate money to an Iraq War vet.

Be Sociable, Share!