Update, 9/23/10: …and I’m back – in body, if not spirit. But with only one cock shot to share, I’m afraid. (Whaddya want, I was on vacation, jeez. Get offa my ass already.)
Starting tomorrow and through September 20th, I’ll be on vacation and (mostly) offline.
(Where am I going, you ask? Wong wrangling! I kid, I kid. Seriously, though, hopefully I’ll return bearing junk shots from my more enthusiastic friends and relatives. We shall see. In the meantime, send me yours!)
Expect spotty comment moderation, slow or no replies to email, and a near-total lack of blog posts during this time.
See you in Cocktober, bitches!
Hot on the heels of disappearing the excellent Dairy Cow Diary (and disabling the accounts of at least two of its admins), it looks like FB finally got around to deleting my original Schlongs For The Seals! page. (It WAS available at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Schlongs-For-The-Seals/121851901192087; as you can see, the URL now redirects to FB’s main page.) This even though I had drastically modified the content to address Facebook’s previous “concerns” – i.e., the page’s photo album was empty; I removed all references to SeaL Shepherd/Michael McDade; and rather than criticize the “Boobs for Seals” group directly, I simply linked to pages on this website to explain the page’s mission and overview. Meh.
Ah well, fuck ’em! Who needs FB’s arbitrary and capricious “standards” when you’ve got the entire internet on which to play?
Even misogynists and speciesists can’t stop the signal. Vive la révolution!
We’re not sure who wears the pants in Jack Singer’s family, but we certainly know who wears the underpants.
Last Sunday, the Warwick, N.Y. boy spent his 10th birthday attempting to set a new Guinness World Record for wearing the most pairs of underwear, KABC reports. It took 18 minutes for his parents to slip on a record 215 pairs, though Singer had to lie down after the 195th pair because his feet were asleep. The previous record was 200 pairs, KARE11.com reports.
“I feel the most excited in my life,” he tells the Times-Herald Record.
Instead of gifts, Singer asked for donations to help Marine Sgt. Eddie Ryan, who was injured in Iraq five years ago. (link)
Consider this a call to arms! (Errr, legs? Buttocks? Wev.) We must harness Singer’s awesome underwear-layering technology and use to raise awareness for Canadian seals the world over! The seals are in desperate need of our help – and I cannot, for the life of me, envision a more effective and poetic lifeline than 215 pairs of tighty whities, squeezed onto one asphyxiating human body. Except, um, 216 pairs of tighty whities, similarly squeezed onto one asphyxiating human body.
But I digress! Today, I call on seal lovers everywhere to gather up as many pairs of underwears as you can find! Deplete the bargain bins at Wal-Mart; go dumpster diving at the nearest Salvation Army; spread your request on every local Craigslist and Freecycle you can stand to join! Heck, panty-raid the closets at your male acquaintances’ fraternity houses – whatever you need to get this shit done! For every pair short of our goal, a seal will needlessly and cruelly meet his end at the end of a bayonet.
If not us, who? If not now, when?
If “meat is for pussies,” what do vegan vagina-peoples eat?
For serious! I needs to know, seeing as I am one and all…and, come to think of it, dinner is fast approaching. Help, John Joseph, you’re my only hope!
“So, mainstream porn is the factory farming of porn, all feedlots and manure lagoons, ending with a bullet to the brain, while there are all sorts of free-range porn, where the calves willingly kill themselves to bring pleasure to their diners.”
Flashback: Summer 2005. Cape May, New Jersey. The town has just repealed its CONTROVERSIAL, CAPRICIOUS, CURSED – dare I say SEXIST and MISANDRIST (yes I dare!) – 30+-year-old ban on men in speedos. The Daily Show’s Ed Helms reports:
You know what they say: Every time a schlong sings, a seal escapes certain death at the end of a hakapik. Countless seal pups have been saved in the five years since Cape May joined the pantsless revolution. Let us pause to think of them.
Video link and details:
The Daily Show, Wednesday June 15, 2005
Ed Helms – Battle of the Bulge
Ed Helms investigates whether Speedos will attract tourists to Cape May New Jersey.
Thought of the day:
If guns are outlawed, then only outlaws will own guns.
And by “guns” I mean “penises.”
Think about it. *
* Yes, Michael McDade, I am looking at you. You’ve got to learn to embrace the power of the COCK, you silly boy!
Y’all have GOT to check out this Paris Hilton/Carls Jr. spoof ad from DAVID HASSELHOFF, who’s slated to be “roasted” on Comedy Central on August 15th. Total awesomeness (the commercial, not the implied BBQ imagery):
Now, if only THE HOFF would use his powers for GOOD instead of EVIL. (Unless, unbeknownst to us vegans, that’s a veggie burger with which he is fondling dear KITT?)